Military Jokes and Humor About Rules

Military Jokes and Humor About RulesMilitary Jokes and Humor About RulesJoking within the military branches of service is as old as this country itself.Each branch of service as well as different MOS or rating have different rules and jokes made about them.Here are a few classics The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they dont speak the same language. For instance, Take the simple phrase secure the building. The Army will post guards around the place. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors. The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters. The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.How the Military Uses the Word Suck. Army InfantryAn Army gruntstands in the rain with a pack on his back, weapon in hand, after having marched 15 miles, and says,This sucks. Army RangerAnArmy Airborne Rangerstands waist deep in the rain with a pack on his back,weapon in hand, after having jumped from an airpla ne and marched 30 miles,and says with a smile,This sucks just fineArmy Special ForcesASpecial Forces soldierlies in the mud, pack on his back,weapon in hand, after swimming to shore, crawling through a swamp andmarching at night past the enemy positions,says with a grin, while biting the head of a snakeThis really sucks, I wish it could suck more.....Air ForceAnAir Force Pilotflying over the battlefield, the rain is pouring down,looks down at the soldiers below and saysSure sucks down thereNavyA Naval Officer, sips his coffee, eats a donut on the bridge of the ship as it rains outside looks to the shore and saysSure does suck over there.Air Force OfficerAnAir Force officersits in an easy chair in his air conditioned,carpeted BOQ room and says to his friend,Man.. Cables out This sucksU.S. Marine Corps Rules 1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.3. Have a plan.4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably wont work.5 . Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet.6. Do notlage attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a 4.7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral diagonal preferred.)9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.11. Always cheat always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.14. There are some assholes in the world that just need to be shot.15. Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everybody you meet. 16. Engage your brain before you engage your weapon. The last three rules are courtesy of General Mattis. Navy SEALS Rules 1. Look very cool in sunglass es.2. Kill every living thing within view.3. Adjust Speedo.4. Check hair in mirror. Ten rules to live by (From Admiral Bill McCraven) Start your day with a task completedYou cannot go it aloneOnly the size of your heart mattersLife is not fair, drive on.Failure can make you strongerYou must dare greatlyStand up to bulliesRise to the occasionGive people hopeNever, ever quit U.S. Army Rangers Rules 1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.2. Locate individuals requiring killing.3. Request permission via radio from Higher to perform killing.4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving. U.S. Army Rules 1. Select a new beret to wear.2. Sew patches on right shoulder.3. Change the color of beret you decide to wear. U.S. Army Special Forces Rules1. Always look cool.2. Always know where you are.3. If you do not know where you are - look cool. US Air Force Rules 1. Have a cocktail.2. Adjust temperature on air-c onditioner.3. See whats on HBO.4. Ask what is a gunfight?5. Request more funding from Congress with a killer Power Point presentation.6. Wine dine key Congressmen, invite DOD defense industry executives.7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.8. Declare the assets strategic and never deploy them operationally.9. Hurry to make 1345 tee-time. US Navy Rules 1. Go to Sea.2. Drink Coffee.4. Deploy the Marines.